New Growth

Listen….y’all mind if I preach for a second? Be transparent and vulnerable with y’all? This Vulnerability thing is getting a bit easier.

Those close to me know that I ended almost a year long “situation-ship”. Urban Dictionary defines a Situation-ship as: a relationship that has no label on it. Like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

Yep. I was in that. For far too long. Four months is usually my limit for the whole situation-ship/”dating” thing.  By then, you should know if you like me or not enough to be my man or not. But, I didn’t leave, even after being told months into exclusively dating, “I can’t do the relationship thing right now….but I want you in my life, be my friend.” Hence, the “we’re friends, and do couple-y stuff, but no we’re not dating”, situtionship.



Let’s take it a few weeks back, back when I knew I should had cut this situationship off, I was terribly overdue to get my hair trimmed. I had split-ends like no one’s business and my twist outs were coming extra trash.

So I made an appointment to get my ends trimmed. I got to my hairdresser after not seeing her in six months and got told off as soon as I got in the chair.

“Jay, you need to start taking better care of your hair….now I have to cut a few inches off because you waited so long so see me and your ends are SO split.”

So after five hours in the chair, I left as a bald-headed scalawag. I had plans to eat with my situation-friend for a late dinner.

We talked. We argued. The night ended badly. Later, we rekindled, decided that being “friends” is still a title that works for us.


I was in Puerto Rico a few weeks ago. This was my first time wearing natural hair on vacation and I was still trying to get used to this new short length from getting my ends trimmed.

I was pulling on my ends of my curls, trying to make it longer, doing anything to give it the illusion that it was longer. And it reminded me of everything I been through….pulling on a situation that was a dead-ass end, trying to make it last longer, doing anything to give it the illusion it was more than what it was.


Then as clear as day, I heard:

“You have to cut your dead ends, and I’m NOT just talking about hair.”


Let me repeat:


That dude that won’t commit….cut him OFF, sis. Been wanting to leave that job that has been making you miserable? They will find a replacement. That friend acting funky and not proud of your accomplishments? BYEEEEEEE.

But, it’s been a few weeks since I let go of that situation for my own mental health. I’m getting better. I’m feel okay. I’m waking up earlier, I have extra time and energy to devote to everything else, BUT stress.

My hairdresser doesn’t know how she helped me hear God say:

“Jay, you need to start taking better care of your hair you….now I have to cut a few inches people off because you waited so long so see Me and your ends are SO split.”

And remember,

You cannot heal in the same environment that you got sick in.”

Marinate on that.

Keeping it 100, homies…




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